Do you ever find yourself in a funk that you just can’t get out of? Not making progress as quickly as you wanted? Doubting you have what it takes?
You might be stuck in the messy, ugly, and harsh reality that is the comparison trap. And it sucks! But believe me, you’re not alone. I’ve been there more times that I’d like to admit.
After I graduated college, I struggled (and I mean struggled) to get hired anywhere. For two whole years, I spent almost everyday applying to jobs and trying to connect with people who worked in marketing. In theory, that sounds like a good idea, but all it did was make me feel bad that those people were able to get hired somewhere and I couldn’t.
The same thing happened again, when I signed up for a 5k with my friends just as I was starting to exercise again. The entire time it was really hard, it hurt, and I was really slow. But my friends seemed to just breeze through it because they had been working at it much longer than me.
The end result is always the same. Feeling bad about yourself, doubting yourself, punishing yourself.
The thing about the comparison trap is that it always disguises itself as failure. And the truth is, it’s not. Not even close.
What Is The Comparison Trap?
The comparison trap is an ugly little monster. It shows up when you’re starting to make progress on something and it holds you back or stalls you.
It happens when you enter what Ruth Soukup likes to call “the messy middle.” That’s when things stop being new & exciting, or they become boring or hard. It also happens almost every time you scroll on social media and see your friends enjoying lavish dinners and vacations.
You stop focusing on yourself and you start to pay more attention to other people. Specifically, what they have or what they are doing. And then you compare yourself to them.
This is almost never a good thing. That’s why it’s called a trap!
When you fall into the comparison trap, you typically start to get down or feel bad about yourself. You might doubt yourself and question why you are doing something if you will never compare to that other person.
Nancy from down the street might have more money or be in better shape. But the truth is, she’s probably been working at it much longer than you, so she should be better and have more!
Or maybe she’s really struggling financially and her health isn’t the best, but she is really good at keeping up appearances.
The truth is, we never know what journey someone else is on or what they had to endure to get to where they are now.
Nancy might have had to sacrifice valuable time with her family so she could work late and earn extra money. Or maybe it took her a whole year to be able to run one mile because she was injured.
The comparison trap completely ignores all of the struggles, sacrifices, and hard work that it takes to get to where you want to be. It tells us that we should be further along even though we haven’t put in all of the effort. Or that we aren’t good enough just because we aren’t caught up to where someone else is yet.
But guess what, you should not be able to run as long, hard, and fast on day 1, that Nancy can run on day 528.
Everyone starts somewhere, but not everyone starts at the same time.
Jon Acuff once said, “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” In other words, don’t fall into the comparison trap!
How To Avoid The Comparison Trap
Once you know what the comparison trap is and what it looks like, you can take a few simple steps to make sure you avoid it (or at least don’t stay stuck in it too long).
1. Flip Your Perspective
Instead of comparing yourself to someone else, try to view the situation as a proof of concept instead. Say to yourself, “If they can do it, than I can too!”
Seeing someone else be successful doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) make you feel badly about yourself. It should motivate and inspire you. It should energize and excite you. It should show you that you can do anything you set your mind to!
That simple switch in mindset can stop the comparison trap in its tracks!
By looking at success stories from a different point of view and focusing on the possibilities, you can actually use it to your advantage.
2. Change your social media feed
Social media is the place where people show off the best parts of their lives, but hardly ever share the realities of hard work, struggle, and boring everyday life.
If you find yourself getting sucked in to all of the lush vacations and lavish meals, and wondering why your life can’t be like that, then it might be time to switch up your social media feed.
Unfollow (or unfriend) the people who make you feel bad. Snooze (or completely leave) groups that trigger the comparison trap. Change your ad preferences in the settings so you don’t see content that will make you question yourself.
Your feed is yours. You shouldn’t follow someone just because you are friends in real life. If it doesn’t build you up, make you laugh, teach you something, or if it’s just generally not positive, get rid of it!
Social media can be a very fulfilling and helpful space if we use it wisely, so don’t be afraid to change it if it’s not working for you.
3. Practice self-care
This is a big one! Take care of yourself – both your mind and your body. While this is always good advice, it is especially helpful if you are struggling with comparing yourself to others.
Start prioritizing yourself over everyone and everything else (including your family). This might be hard, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
If you need a break, take it, and don’t punish yourself for it. Just accept that this is a time where you need to slow down and breathe, and that it’s okay.
Whether they admit it or not, everyone needs to slow down and take care of themselves. If the comparison trap has a hold on you, take some time to practice a little bit of self-care.
Go for a run. Take a bubble bath. Get a massage. Watch a movie. Have some drinks with your girlfriends. Dance to your favorite song.
Just give yourself whatever it is that you need. Nothing is worth your health or peace of mind.
4. Own Your Journey
If there is one thing that will kick the comparison trap to the curb, it’s accepting who you are, where you’re at, and why you are doing what you’re doing. In other words, own your own journey.
Stop focusing on other people and quit looking at where you are not. Start focusing on yourself and look at how far you’ve come and how you feel about the things you’ve accomplished.
Realize that you are unique and there is no one else like you. No one else has been through what you have. No one else knows what you know. And no one else can walk the journey that you are walking.
When you accept where your at and stay true to the reason you are pursuing goals in the first place, you will start to realize that it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing. You will grow to learn that you can’t ever compare to others because we are all different, and therefore, you can’t fall into the comparison trap.
5. Reward Yourself For Your Accomplishments
The thing about the comparison trap is that it robs of all of the joy, excitement, pride that goes along with your success.
No matter what, someone will always be further along than you (we are all on different journeys after all). But that doesn’t mean that your accomplishments are less than or are unworthy. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Your accomplishments are awesome and should be celebrated!
Reward yourself for making progress.
Ran a full mile without having to stop and walk? Finished that big project you’ve been working on all week? Hit your savings goal, or anything other goal for that matter? Awesome! Let’s celebrate it!
Give yourself some sort of reward for accomplishing even the smallest of successes. Don’t save the rewards for only the big accomplishments. Every goal is met by taking small steps, so rewarding yourself along the way will only encourage you to keep going.
I would try to make the reward match the accomplishment though. Taking a lavish vacation because you accomplished one small, albeit difficult, task isn’t necessarily the best idea. You will want an even bigger reward when you achieve one of your large goals, and if you are taking vacations for smaller tasks, it might not feel like a reward anymore. Save the big rewards for the big accomplishments.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing (or how you measure up to them) if you feel good and are striving for your next prize (and goal).
When it comes to the comparison trap, it is easy to get stuck in a never-ending loop of failure and self-pity. You start to be consumed with what other people are doing and compare how you (seemingly never) measure up.
But just because it’s a trap, doesn’t mean we have to get stuck in it. Once we recognize the signs and realize that everyone’s journey is different, we can take the steps to avoid the comparison trap.
A few simple things like flipping your perspective, changing your social media feed, practicing self-care, owning your journey, and rewarding yourself for your accomplishments can make a world of difference.
If you ever find yourself stuck in the comparison trap, give these few tips a try. And if you’ve been through it yourself, please share the tips you’ve used to overcome it. Together we can beat the comparison trap!
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